


Magnus Brings Home the Bacon

by VeryDryWit



Series: The Dating Adventures of FierroChase [3]
Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: Animal Abuse, Dating, Declarations Of Love, Fluff and Angst, Mini-Quest, Multi, Shopping, boars, mating boars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26257765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryDryWit/pseuds/VeryDryWit
Summary: Magnus helps Samirah figure out why the bacon is running out of the Valhalla kitchen…
Relationships: Magnus Chase/Alex Fierro, Samirah al-Abbas/Amir Fadlan
Series: The Dating Adventures of FierroChase [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773940
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Hog Wild

**Hotel Valhalla**

Magnus wakes up in his bed, and starts whistling. Life, or the afterlife life, is going rather well. He has a great significant other, Alex, and he hasn’t had to search for magical hammers, mead, or other impossible quests. Knock on wood. He reaches over to the nearest wood post, and knocks on it. He gets dressed, and saunters down the hall, humming. As he approaches the Feast Hall of the Slain, there’s an odd sound. Not the usual raucous laughter, or sounds of people beheading each other. It’s more like a moan. He enters the room, and sees the warriors of Valhalla sitting around staring at their breakfast plates.

Magnus sits down next to TJ, and a bowl of white slop appears on his plate.

“What’s that?” asks Magnus.

“Porridge,” replies TJ. Magnus responds,

“Porridge? Looks like oatmeal. Don’t we usually get bacon, and...”

Suddenly the warriors around them start banging on their plates screaming,

“We want bacon, we want bacon, WE WANT BACON!!”

Another group yells,

“Two, four, six, eight, give us pig on a plate!”

The noise level in the banquet hall becomes unbearable, and Magnus covers his ears. Then he sees Samirah in front of him gesturing to follow. They leave the Great Hall, go down several hallways, and enter a small office. Helgi is collapsed over a desk, and there’s an old-style calculator with reams of paper coming out of it. He moans,

“I’m swamped…”

Samirah interrupts him,

“What’s the problem?”

“Making enough porridge three times a day... All nonessential services are canceled. The spa is closed, there’s no hot yoga to the death, and I’ve closed the river rafting. I’ve already raided the Boston Costcos for oats...”

Samirah gives him on annoyed look, then leaves the room.

Just outside she finds Hunding and demands,

“Do you know what’s going on?”

Hunding grimaces, then nods. He puts his fingers to his lips and says,

“Shhh. We’re worried the warriors are going to riot.”

He leads them through a door that says ‘ _Authorized Personnel Only_ ’. They go through another maze of tunnels into what looks like a medieval castle. There are several huge fireplaces made of stone, giant spits, iron kettles the size of hot tubs. There wall is covered in scary metal instruments. Magnus looks around and comments,

“Nice torture chamber. I wasn’t shown this on the tour.”

Hunding replies,

“This is the kitchen, those are kitchen utensils. And here are the oats...”

There is a huge pile of oats about 40 feet tall. Beside it is a short fat guy wearing a white coat and a tall white cook hat. Hunding greets him with,

“Chef Andre, how’s it cooking?”

“ _Non, non_ , I cannot work like zis! I’m an _artiste_...” the chef says with a strong French accent. Hunding introduces them,

“Andre, this is Samirah and Magnus. They’re here to help you.”

Magnus hopes he won’t be shoveling oats. Andre goes up to a huge iron pot and taps it despondently, saying,

“This is _ma cherie_ Eldhrímnir. I have been cookin’ in zis pot for ages, look at her bootiful black body, she is sad too…”

Magnus looks around, and sees some large shackles and chains near the pot. He asks,

“What’s the deal?”

Hunding whispers,

“Andhrímnir, or Andre, dreams of going to a French culinary school in Paris. Instead he role-plays being French...”

Magnus whispers back,

“I meant about the _bacon_!”

Hunding replies,

“Apparently, Sæhrímnir the boar has been stolen.”

“A pig is missing?” repeats Magnus incredulously. Samirah rolls her eyes at him and explains,

“Sæhrímnir is a boar cursed with immortality. Every morning, Chef Andhrímnir throws the boar into a pot of boiling water, and cuts off pieces of flesh and serves them.”

“Oh, so he’s like Thor’s goats.”

Chef Andre turns to them and bellows,

“She’s not like some ugly goat! She’s a magnificent boar, with a silky coat, stately snout, and cute fuzzy ears…”

Magnus stares at him, weirded out by the description. He also notices Andre has completely lost his French accent. Hunding adds,

“Without the magical boar, we don’t have enough food for everyone. Samirah, you must get that animal back.”

She nods and examines the shackles.

“The boar didn’t get out by itself. These shackles were hit by a weapon. Ugh, I really don’t have time for this, I need to study. Magnus, we need to find this animal fast.”

Magnus nods and replies,

“Um... the hall belongs to Odin, maybe we can ask him about it. He must be upset about being out of bacon.”

She shakes her head and explains,

“Odin doesn’t eat meat. He’s on an all liquid diet. High-protein smoothies and stuff.”

Samirah examines the floor and several possible exits. Magnus looks around for a moment, then says,

“So now what? Do we make fliers saying ‘ _Have you seen this boar?_ ’”

“We look for clues.”

“Okay. While you do that, I’ll go get Alex.”

She looks up at him and asks,

“Alex? Why?”

Because lately, Magnus and Alex do everything together. Most of the time they just hang out, and sometimes it gets more heated, but it’s great either way. Has Alex told Samirah they’re dating?

“Uh... Your sibling is useful to have around.”

Yuck. That sounded lame. Samirah responds curtly,

“Alex and I haven’t been getting along. I’m not sure why.”

“How’s Amir?”

Samirah responds,

“He’s fine. So I’ve heard. We haven’t been talking.”

“Why not?”

“Not now. Keep searching for clues!”

Samirah sounds upset. He goes back to examining the stone floor, not wanting to point out that there are no boar footprints anywhere.

A moment later, Hunding comes running saying,

“Someone saw a boar in the elevator…”

Magnus exclaims,

“The elevator? How smart is this boar?”

Samirah runs out of the maze of kitchen, towards the main elevator. Magnus trots after her.

She presses the button, and waits, examining the 540 lights showing the different floors. Magnus hums a bit. She turns on him and barks,

“You’re not taking this seriously!”

“And you’re stressed. You’re snapping at everyone.”

She grimaces and nods. He adds,

“I swear we’ll find the pig... Anyway, someone will put an ax or a spear through it, and we’ll drag it back to the kitchen. What’s up with you?”

“I’m spread too thin. Going to college, being a Valkyrie, and having a relationship… It’s too much. And I still want to fly…”

DING!

The elevator shows up, and they get in. Samirah inspects the ground, and picks up some black hairs from the ground.

“These look like animal bristles, they’re short and coarse.”

Samirah presses the buttons for the first 20 floors. At each floor, she sticks her head out checks around. At the 19th floor, the hear the sound of people screaming. Magnus remarks,

“Why is it always my floor?”

Samirah pulls out an ax, and Magnus activates Jack. They creep down the hallway, then Magnus gets a prickly bad feeling. He runs, as fast as he can. If anyone gets in his way, he pushes them, or slashes that them with his sword. He can hear Samirah behind him screaming,

“Wait!”

Magnus runs into Alex’s room, where several people have their weapons drawn against a boar. It’s a big black creature, making aggressive sounds. Without hesitation, Magnus attacks the other people in the room. He slashes and stabs, until they are incapacitated in a pile. Samirah walks in and cries,

“Why are you attacking warriors? Catch the boar!”

Magnus just stands there. Samirah blocks the door and adds,

“I’m not supposed to touch it, it’s pork!”

He goes up to the boar and says,

“What’s going on?”

The animal makes some kind of grunting squealing noise. He replies,

“She’s your sister, _you_ talk to her.”

Samirah’s eyes go wide, and the animal transforms into Alex. Samirah cries out,

“Have you lost your mind? There’s a boar from the kitchen missing, you could’ve been made into bacon!”

Alex sits on the couch and holds his shoulder. There’s a big red gash there, like an ax wound. Magnus sits next to him, and holds out his hand. Alex doesn’t say anything, but takes the hand and puts it on the gash. Samirah paces back and forth, tihen she says,

“We still need to find Sæhrímnir.”

Magnus looks at Samirah, then Alex. Then he tells Alex,

“I promised Samirah I’d find the boar…”

Alex gives him an angry look, and still says nothing. Magnus tells Samirah,

“Sæhrímnir exited through the tree, Yggdrasil.”

Alex turns on him and protests,

“You can’t bring her back!”

“Why not?” he asks.

“Sæhrímnir isn’t like Thor’s goats. She never dies. Every day, the chef cuts her flesh, and it grows back, over and over again. That’s how she feeds thousands, she’s being tortured for eternity.”

Samirah groans, then says,

“Oh no, did _you_ free the boar?”

Alex counters,

“Why do you care?”

Samirah puts her ax away, and tells Magnus,

“Let’s go. The sooner we track down the animal, the sooner I can get back to my life.”

Magnus stands up, but keeps glancing at each of them, nervously. Finally he tells Alex,

“Let’s find the boar. Then we can decide what to do. I mean, maybe this boar was once like Loki, and did something terrible to be cursed like that…”

The mention of Loki is the wrong thing to say for both Alex and Samirah. He might as well have stepped in boar doo-doo.

Samirah leaves, and Magnus leans down to give Alex a kiss, but Alex pulls away. So Magnus waves bye and follows Samirah. In the elevator, Alex shows up, explaining,

“I’m not helping you. I’m along to help Sæhrímnir.”

Magnus grins, puts up his thumbs, and says,

“Yay, this is gonna be fun!”

He’s rewarded by both Samirah and Alex glaring at him.

They arrive at the Feast Hall, and see the whole place is covered in white goo. Alex exclaims,

“What happened?”

Magnus replies,

“I’m guessing porridge food fight. Oatmeal to the death!”

Samirah quickly heads to the bottom of Yggdrasil, slipping and sliding on the clumps of oatmeal. Alex follows, while Magnus takes the opportunity to run and slide on the floor. Samirah snaps at him,

“Could you hurry up?”

Magnus shrugs, not too concerned.

“We’re not saving the world, we’re just pursuing breakfast.”

At the bottom of the tree, Samirah examines it for a moment. Alex asks,

“Do you have a plan?”

“No. I’m winging it,” she replies.

“Figures,” Alex grumbles back. Samirah sighs, then starts climbing. Alex follows with Magnus just behind. Suddenly they hear the frightening chitter of the giant squirrel. Samirah and Alex shape shift into bugs, while Magnus pulls out his sword ready to fight Ratatosk. As giant yellow teeth bite towards him, he’s sucked into the bark of the tree. The squirrel goes running by, and Magnus finds himself back on the outside of the tree. He exclaims,

“What just happened?”

An odd humanoid creature, like a small elf, but with skin the color of bark responds,

“Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t...”

Then disappears. Not waiting for an explanation, Magnus keeps on running, till he finds the entrance into Folkvanger.

Magnus leads the way into the glowing world of sunny meadows strewn with flowers. Some people are throwing an inflatable beach ball, and one person is dancing like no one is watching, because no one is. A young man offers Alex a crown of daisies, and she waves him off. Magnus heads to the direction of the upside down gold and silver boat that serves as Freya’s palace. As he nears the great goddess herself, he smiles goofily and admires her beauty. Her long blonde hair is held up in an intricate braid, she’s wearing a thin tunic, and various jewelry. Earrings, necklace, bracelets and a jeweled belt. Alex frowns, and Magnus clears his throat and says,

“Aunt Freya, you’re as stunning as ever…”

He feels Alex glare and shuts up. Freya says in her melodious voice,

“Magnus. What brings you to see me?”

“We’re looking for a missing boar. Sæhrímnir.”

“I adore boars, Hildesvini is the boar I usually ride.”

Magnus cringes at the sensual way she says that. She adds,

“The boar I ride into battle. I’m a goddess of war.”

She points outside and adds,

“I’m also a goddess of love...”

They look out the window, and see a huge boar with giant tusks grunting and squealing while mounting another large boar. Magnus cringes and asks,

“Is that smaller one Sæhrímnir?”

“Yes. Hildesvini seems to like her a lot.”

Magnus turns around, not wanting to watch. He mumbles,

“This is awkward. I never liked this part of nature documentaries.”

Samirah retorts,

“Come on. We’ve dealt with wolves and giants, we can deal with this.”

She determinedly goes outside, heading toward the amorous pig couple. Alex follows, while Magnus reluctantly trails behind.

Suddenly a weird growl pierces the air, so loud and deep the ground trembles. They turn and see another giant boar with huge tusks flying through the air. The bristles on its back are golden, and are glowing even brighter than the landscape. It lands next to Hildesvini, and headbutts him off the female.

“Wow,” exclaims Alex. Freya looks displeased and says,

“Why is Gullinbursti here?”

Hildesvini gets back onto his feet, and charges towards the newcomer. Gullinbursti lowers his head, and attacks Hildesvini, and a battle ensues. Both males hit each other with their giant tusks, while the female quietly digs the earth for something good to eat. Both boars soon have gashes, but the giant golden one seems stronger, and eventually the smaller male collapses onto the ground. Freya looks furious. She turns on Magnus and declares,

“Your father should not be meddling.”

“What’s my dad got to do with this?”

“Gullinbursti belongs to Frey. He’s always showing off that dwarf-made boar of his, like it’s better than mine… So it shines at night, big whoop-de-do!”

“It’s more than that… he glows, he’s gorgeous!” insists Alex. Magnus gives her a weird look. Freya turns towards Alex, and a glowing light comes out of her hand. Alex transforms into a black boar, and goes squealing towards the victor, Gullinbursti. Magnus watches in shock, as Alex sniffs the giant male, and makes a snorting sound. Magnus demands,

“Aunt Freya, what did you do?”

“Your friend is a shapeshifter, I simply helped her find her inner swine.”

“But that Gulli-something might get the wrong idea! Aunt Freya please, I love her... I’ll do anything. Transform her back.”

Samirah gapes at him, while Freya inquires,

“You will owe me a favor?”

“Yes.”

Freya waves her hand, and commands,

“Alex, come to me.”

The black boar comes trotting over, sits at her feet and licks Freya’s hand. Magnus insists,

“Please, change her back to how she was…”

Suddenly, Alex is in her human form, still licking Freya’s hand. She backs up and says,

“Ew…”

Samirah tugs Alex away, and Magnus stands there waiting. Will Freya want her favor right now? Samirah looks over at the boars, and says,

“What happens to Sæhrímnir now?”

Alex says,

“We talk to Odin. Maybe he can create a magical tofu bacon, that renews itself.”

Samirah gives her a funny look, then says,

“You sound like Magnus. So are you two…”

“How do we find Odin?” Magnus interrupts, giving Samirah a pointed look. She bites her lip, then answers,

“The All-Father gave me a special way to visit him, but I’m not allowed to share it. Anyway, what if he comes to Valhalla and gives a motivational speech about being vegan? The warriors will riot for sure.”

Magnus thinks for a moment, then says,

“Freya said that Gulli-something was dwarf-made. Maybe if we go down to Nidavellir, we can get a new boar.” Then he sees Alex’s face and quickly adds,

“A tofu boar.”

Samirah shakes her head, and replies,

“I don’t want to risk our lives for a half-baked quest! Let’s just grab our pig and go back to Valhalla.”

Alex interjects,

“What if Sæhrímnir is pregnant?” 

Samirah groans and replies,

“Okay. I guess we’re going to the dwarf kingdom.”

Alex responds sarcastically,

“So boar torture is okay, but pregnant boar torture isn’t?”

“That’s not what I was saying…”

Freya suddenly says,

“Ahum. Magnus, while you’re there, I’d like a new piece of jewelry.”

Magnus replies,

“Uh, okay. Earrings again?”

“No, I have lots of those…”

Magnus examines her body, from top to bottom. He feels Alex pinch him and says,

“You don’t have a toe ring.”

Freya examines her feet, and asks,

“A toe ring? People wear rings on their toes?”

“Only dorks,” mutters Alex.

“Only very fashionable ladies,” replies Magnus. Freya smiles at him, and he smiles goofily back.

“Very well. I formally request a unique toe ring, more beautiful than all other toe rings.”

Magnus replies dreamily,

“Your wish is my command…”

Samirah interjects,

“If Magnus brings you this toe ring, he will fulfill his favor to you?”

“Yes. Now tell me something sad.”

Alex retorts,

“Your boar was beaten by a cooler boar.”

Freya responds,

“Careful, or you’ll be joining my herd again.”

Alex quickly shuts up and Magnus says,

“It’s sad that no one is as beautiful as you are…”

Freya picks up a mirror, examines herself, then nods. She sheds a few tear into a bowl of water and places the resulting amber into a small bag. Magnus takes the bag, and heads back towards Yggdrasil.


	2. You Reap  As You Sow

They head down several branches, and enter into the darkness of Nidavellir. Magnus shivers in the cold. He takes off his jacket and hands it to Alex, who puts it on saying,  
“I hate the cold.”  
“I know. We both almost froze to death.”  
Then he leads them to Blitzen’s store. The door has a sign that says,  
‘Gone for a makeover, back soon!’  
The sign is dusty. Magnus sighs and says,  
“I forgot. Blitzen and Hearthstone went on a Viking cruise.”  
Samirah suggests,  
“So we find another dwarf…”  
“Yeah, lets just go door to door,” grumbles Alex. Magnus agrees,  
“There might be a jewelry store down that street…”  
Alex retorts,  
“You want to shop for that stunning goddess who’s more beautiful than anyone?”  
Magnus protests,  
“I had no choice…”  
Samirah interrupts,  
“Magnus saved you from life as a pig! What’s with you lately? You’ve been attacking everything I say.”  
“Samirah... Amir is great, you love each other, why mess that up by joining the military?!”  
Magnus looks at the two of them, opens his mouth to say something, then backs up. Samirah replies,  
“Because I want to fly jets! Imagine getting into the cockpit an F-35 Lightning…” she holds her head in her hands, then confesses, “I agree with you, Alex. I’m making the wrong choice. I can’t lose Amir... He’s already dealt with the Valkyrie thing, my being related to Loki, and the multiple realms… I can’t force him to leave the falafel restaurant and live in military housing in Utah or somewhere…”  
Alex nods and says,  
“Sorry. Things have been good lately, which means I get defensive. And mean. Maggie, I don’t know why you put up with me.”  
Magnus responds,  
“‘Coz you’re like totally… uh… and uh... … um...”  
Samirah observes Magnus and says,  
“Wow. Did he just have a stroke?”  
Alex shakes his head and responds,  
“Nope. This is Magnus trying to say how much he likes me. Smooth, huh?”  
Alex goes up to Magnus, and gives him a kiss. Magnus enthusiastically kisses back, until Samirah interrupts,  
“Whoa, okay... but do that another time. We still need to shop.” 

They walk down the dark street, and enter various stores. No one is interested in making endless replacement bacon. Then they explore an antique place. The walls are covered with various pieces of old metal in every shape and size. Magnus is unsure what any of this stuff is, but he points to one object and says,  
“Looks like an antique pizza cutter.”  
An old dwarf shuffles over, peering at him over his glasses.  
“I am Lothar, son of Lothar, son of Lothar, instrumental in the making of Mjolnir, master bellower...”  
“You helped make Thor’s hammer?” responds Magnus, impressed. Lothar answers,  
“My grandfather was instrumental – he made the instruments that made it.”  
“Ah. Do you know someone who could make a boar? Not real, but that could feed thousands? Like a vegetarian Sæhrímnir?”  
“No one does stuff like that anymore. I have a really nice lathe on sale, and these chisels are half off.”  
“No thanks. We’re on a pig quest.”  
The man shuffles away, and disappears into the back room. Then he comes out with a helmet, with the full face shield. Magnus examines it and says,  
“Uh, yeah, nice helmet in the shape of a boar snout, closer, but still not edible.”  
“It’s a Svinfylking, made by Frosty, son of…”  
“Lothar, your moss is on fire!” exclaims a young dwarf, pointing towards the back. The old dwarf quickly shuffles away back into the other room. The young dwarf, skinny with acne, looks up at Magnus earnestly and declares,  
“I… I think I could do it.”  
“Who are you?”  
“Junior.”  
“I’ve met Junior, he’s old, he chased me in a rocket powered wheelchair.”  
“That’s Eitri Junior. I’m Brokkr Junior Junior the Third. The famous dwarves Eitri and his brother Brokkr created Thor’s hammer, the Golden arm ring Draupnir, and Gullinbursti. I’m Brokkr’s great-grandson.”  
“What would you need to get the job done?”  
“What did you want your boar made out of?”  
“Tofu...?”  
“Oh. Okay. Then I’d need lots of tofu and.... tofu skin. Alex whispers something in Samirah’s ear, and Samirah responds,  
“I guess we need an Asian food store for the tofu, and would this cover the helmet?”  
Junior takes the pieces of silver, and puts it in the till. Then he hands over the helmet. Alex takes it, and puts it underneath his arm. Then Junior admits,  
“I don’t know of an Asian food store nearby. But there’s an Amazon store we could go to.”  
Magnus responds,  
“Amazon? Are we talking warrior women, or the multinational company?”  
“The company. The dwarves complain that their products no history, but everyone keeps on buying…”

Unlike the rest of Nidavellir, the Amazon store is brightly lit, with shiny little robots cleaning the floors, and stocking the shelves. Junior buys regular tofu, firm tofu, and soft silken tofu and tofu skins. Then he adds soy sauce and some spices. Magnus adds two croissants to the cart. Samirah asks,  
“Are those to make boar tusks?”  
“Those are to eat. I’m hungry.”

Junior brings them back to a large old furnace, and starts building a fire. It takes hours for the fire to build, then burn down, then turn to embers. He makes a tofu animal, using different firmness of tofu for different parts. It doesn’t look like a boar, more like an ugly lump. Magnus remarks,  
“Reminds me of the time I made a picture out of macaroni noodles.”   
Then Junior asks,  
“Do you have something from the body of an immortal being?”  
Magnus responds,  
“Huh?”  
“I think that’s the secret ingredient to creating an immortal animal. My grandfather said something about using Thor’s nose hair from a tissue or something…” Junior stops and shrugs. “Or maybe he was just delirious.”  
Samirah throws her hands up in the air and says,  
“I knew this was too easy!”  
Then Magnus asks,  
“Hey Junior, what about this amber?”  
“Amber is petrified tree sap. If it came from an immortal tree…”  
Alex replies,  
“It came from Freya fake crying.”  
“Really? Cool! It’s worth a shot.”  
Junior examines the tofu, then decides,  
“These could be eyes.”   
He presses them into the face lump, then he throws the whole thing into the oven, and announces,  
“It’s gonna take a while to cook.”

Magnus steps outside into the street, appreciating the dark coolness after the raging heat next to the oven. He tears off a piece of croissant, and hands it to Alex. Then he gives the other to Samirah. She says,  
“What do we do about the toe ring? That kid is sweet, but his artistic talent... needs more time to develop.”  
Magnus replies,  
“I hate to say this, but couldn’t we just order something on Amazon for Freya?”  
Samirah agrees,   
“Anything to finish sooner. There was a kiosk to order things online.”

They go back to the brightly lit store, deposit a few amber tears, and order a gold toe ring with a long chain that goes around the ankle. Samirah pushes a few more buttons, then exclaims,  
“This is too easy... I can’t believe Amazon prime delivers to Folkvanger...”  
“Maybe it’s being secretly controlled by Loki.”  
Then Magnus shuts ups, thinking he said the wrong thing again. This time, Alex nods and adds,  
“That would explain a lot.”

They go back to the forge, and arrive just in time to see the huge lump come steaming out of the oven. The amber eyes have become bright red, and seem to be staring at them. Junior grins and asks,  
“So what do you think?”  
Magnus replies,  
“Uh... It’s big. A big fake pig.”  
Alex pokes it with a finger, then says,  
“Smells good. Can I have a piece?”  
Junior carves a piece off, then they all stare at the lump. It takes a minute, but the piece repairs itself. Samirah says in relief,  
“It works!”  
Alex takes it, and puts it in Magnus’s mouth. He chews for a moment, then says,  
“Hey! This tastes good!”  
Junior nods, and responds,  
“That’s why wanted to help you. I can’t make things pretty, but I’m good with flavors.”  
Alex carves off another piece, and eats it hungrily.

The trip back is long and grueling. The three of them carry the giant slab of tofu, all the way back to the tree. Magnus groans,  
“My arms are killing me... How do we get through the tree?”  
Magnus suddenly remembers the elf that helped him the first time.  
“Nuts!”  
“Yeah, you’re nuts,” teases Alex.  
“No, I meant we need to buy some nuts to distract the giant squirrel.”

Samirah goes back and buy some nuts, then lays them out along the branches. Then they carry the lump along the tree. Then suddenly they hear the horrible chittering noise. Alex drops his end of the lump, and shoves the snout helmet onto Magnus’s head. Magnus says,  
“What…?!”  
“Go nuts!” yells Alex. Magnus frowns for a moment, it’s hard to see anything through the dark helmet. But then he sees the squirrel headed for Alex, and he feels a sudden rage. He charges the squirrel, and punches it in the nose. Then he grabs the tail and flings the animal round and round, then releases it. The squirrel goes flying, as Magnus roars,  
“Stay away from my mate!!!”  
Then he hears,  
“Sshhhh, okay, everything’s okay, I’m removing the helmet…”  
Confused, Magnus lifts the piece of metal. The cool air feels good, and his brain starts working again.  
“What happened?”  
Alex explains,  
“It’s a Svinfylking, a magical berserker helmet. Gives you the battling power of a swine. Come on, we still have to carry the tofu home.”

They bring the giant tofu lump to the kitchen, where the chef Andre pokes at it unimpressed. Magnus recommends,  
"It's tofu. You might want to try some Asian recipes…"  
Exhausted, Samirah waves goodbye, and heads home. 

Alex rubs her arms, and trudges back to her room, not saying anything. She still seems upset. Magnus hovers in the doorway and says,  
“You’re not okay. You hate being forced to shape shift.”  
He doesn’t mention the whole golden boar thing. Alex shrugs and says,  
“I just need to be alone. Sometimes this afterlife life gets to me.”  
“Alex, you could’ve told me about the boar. I would’ve helped you.”  
“I didn’t want to get you in trouble. But thanks.”  
“Just to be clear, I’d do more than that for you.”  
“‘Coz I’m your mate?”  
“‘Coz I’m... super badly... in love with you… When you’re ready, come see me.”

Magnus spends the evening in his room. A few hours later he hears a knock on his door. He opens it, and Alex asks,  
“Can I spend the night?”  
“Yeah.”  
Magnus lets her in, and lays down on his bed. Alex curls up next to him, with a troubled face. He asks,  
“Did you have nightmares again?”  
“Yeah.”  
“But that’s not what’s bothering you.”  
“Nope.”  
“Was it what happened when you transformed into a boar?”  
She examines him for a moment, then asks,  
“You mean that I got an ax in the shoulder?”  
“Uh... sure.”  
Alex growls back,  
“What are you getting at?”  
Magnus grimaces, then admits,  
“When Freya turned you into a boar, you acted... very boar-like.”  
Magnus know he’s digging himself into a hole. Oh well, might as well grab the shovel and keep digging. He continues,  
“You said that golden boar was gorgeous…”  
“Maggie, I’m about to strangle you. Are you jealous of Gullinbursti?!”  
“Noo...”  
Alex balls her fists, and responds,  
“Oh gross! Just because Loki is a weirdo pervert… and I have a giant wolf and an eight legged horse as brothers... Don’t make assumptions. Quite a family to marry into.”  
“Marry…?” repeats Magnus with wide eyes. Alex nods and replies,  
“Yeah, Amir is gonna marry Samirah, remember?”  
Magnus feels stupid and mumbles,  
“Yeah, of course.”  
She crosses her arms and sighs.  
“So what’s bugging you?” asks Magnus. She finally confesses,  
“Samirah is alive. She’s going to get married, and have babies. If she stops hanging out with us, maybe she’ll even grow old. But we won’t. I’m 17 now, but I still look 16.”  
Magnus nods, having had similar thoughts. Then he realizes what she said and asks,  
“When was your birthday? Was it today?”  
Alex nods, then explains,  
“I went to the kitchen, I was going to ask about birthday cake. My grandfather always made one for me. But then I saw Sæhrímnir…”  
“You liberated the pig for your birthday. Tomorrow I’ll get you a cake.”  
“Thanks.”  
Alex stares up at the ceiling, then eventually asks,  
“Doesn’t this einherjar thing get to you sometimes?”  
“I try not to think about it. My mom died, my dad’s never been around, I ended up homeless… This afterlife life is actually pretty good. I’ve made some nice friends, especially you.”  
Alex settles into his arms, and they cuddle a while. Then she remarks,  
“Gullinbursti had a familiar glow, like yours. You must of gotten that glow from your dad.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Hey Maggie, would you say that thing again?”  
“What thing?”  
“The how you feel about me thing.”  
Magnus takes a deep breath, then says,  
“I… I love you... way more than any glitzy goddess…”  
“Okay. Now shut up and kiss me.”  
Magnus nods, and does as he's told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, feel free to give me feedback or comments, I learn a lot from them!


End file.
